are you still at the devil's house?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
