i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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