I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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