When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
