Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
