He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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