Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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