How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
