u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
