mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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