Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
