Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
