I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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