Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
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I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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