A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
