did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
