the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gift wrapped bread.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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