I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Too much gin, very little bucket
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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