i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
