there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize