I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
