Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
