end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize