explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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