Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
