Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
