On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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