I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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