I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
