exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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