Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
