I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
