one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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