dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
