i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
