we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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