Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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