Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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