I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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