the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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