The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
