I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
