Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
