fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
