Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You've changed since you got that strap on
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
