He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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