how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
