I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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