That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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