oh god the rape fog is back!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
