I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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