Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
