hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
