Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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