As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
