Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
