Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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