They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
