Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
