Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
