put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
