I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
