1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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