We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
