whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
