I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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