it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
