Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
