Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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