Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
