is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
