We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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