K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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