You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
