am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
