update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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