she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
