I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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