and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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