I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
