carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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