I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
3pm strippers are depressing
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
