God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
