Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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